“Married 30-something Mom desperately seeking a closer relationship with Jesus. Raised in a 4th generation Protestant home but always found something lacking. Searching for the Truth and trying to walk the straight and narrow while raising two little ones alongside a lapsed Catholic husband. Praying for Jesus to meet me right where I am and lead the way.”
So that’s me--a 4th generation Protestant (Methodist, to be specific) who is struggling with major doubts about the results of the Reformation.
My blog is called the Accidental Convert because that’s really the best way to describe this past year in my life. In August 2011, after 6 years of avoiding it, I went to see the local priest to get better details on the annulment process. I had married at 20 and divorced at 24 (his choice, not mine) and when my husband and I were engaged 7 years ago his staunchly Catholic father "requested" that we take a meeting with the priest at the time and see about getting me an annulment. The meeting ended in disaster when the priest ended up poking fun at my situation and laughing throughout the meeting as I poured out my hurt and my life story. I left the meeting feeling shunned, belittled, heart-broken, and as if I were less of a person. Needless to say it left me completely unwilling to go through the annulment process anytime soon.
My relationship with my in-laws remained tense after our wedding, and things just kept going from bad to worse over the next 6 years. There were periods of peace, but most of the time things were tense at family gatherings. There were numerous occasions when the subject of my previous marriage would come up in passing and the looks my father in law would direct my way were enough to let me know that he thought I was less of a person. I let my husband know that I would appreciate it if he never spoke of my divorce again in the presence of his family. I had enough pain left over from the divorce, I didn’t need fresh pain from people who thought I wasn’t worthy of standing in the same room because of a decision I didn’t even make.
Fast forward 6 years and 2 kids later: due to heart-breaking experiences that year, I started re-evaluating my life and what kind of baggage I was holding onto. I started thinking about the annulment again, trying to figure out what my real opposition was to the process. Was I not doing it because my in-laws wanted me to and I wanted not to do it simply out of spite? Was I not doing it because of the horrible experience with the priest, who was now retired? Was I not doing it because I was trying to avoid digging deeper into the past and the emotions and experiences that went along with it? Was I trying to protect that previous marriage by saying, “Yes, I was married before, an annulment is not going to make that not exist!” And most importantly, was I not doing it because I didn’t want to take a serious look at my first marriage and understand the role I played in its downfall? As I pondered all of these questions, I realized that the answer to each of them was pretty much a resounding “yes.” God opened my eyes to the selfishness in my heart. I was not going through the process because of my own selfish motivations, and my selfish motivations were keeping my Catholic husband, lapsed as he may have been, from being able to receive the sacrament of the Eucharist, and keeping us from being seen as validly married in the eyes of the Church. As it all sunk in, I knew what I needed to do.
About a week before our 6th wedding anniversary I went to see the local priest, who was kind and non-judgmental of my situation. He spoke with complete kindness and love to help me understand what the Church teaches about marriage and why in the eyes of the Church the annulment is an essential process. I left feeling as though a weight had been lifted already, and I hadn’t even started the process!
My annulment is currently under review by the local Diocese and we should be nearing the end. Of course, "the end" could still mean months as far as I know. They have all the information they need from me, it's now in the hands of the priests. My heart's desire would be to have the final decree before the end of summer so that my husband and I could have our Convalidation Ceremony close to our official wedding anniversary. However, I'll just be glad whenever I get it. It has been a huge struggle to go through the process but it has been so worth it. Our kids can't wait for the ceremony so they can see Mommy and Daddy get "married" all over again!
This annulment process has also opened up communication between myself and my in-laws. We have all begun to have a new level of respect and forgiveness for each other that wasn't there for nearly 7 years. My family and I have started attending the Catholic Church of my husband's youth, where his father still attends. Oh yeah, and that priest who is now retired who turned me completely off of the annulment process? Yeah, he has led Mass 3 of the last 4 weeks we have attended. If that's not a prodding from God I don't know what is!
So this blog is to chronicle my journey as I learn more about the Catholic Church, the doctrines and beliefs, as I finish my annulment, and as I discern God's call for my life and my family. Welcome to the adventure!
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